A Brief Learn Me Something Something About Turkish History

With the next part of our journey involving more "hanging" than actual "doing," I decided it would be best, instead of waiting an entire week to release our next blog, to provide a bit of historical insight in regard to the region of our travels. With ancient civilization screaming "hey, we were here" from every which corner of the Turkish landscape, it is only fair to supply some background on the multitude of cultures that have diverged into this small area of the world throughout the past. Thus, I leave you with 13 bullet points that moreorless summarize the last 10,000 years of the region once known as Anatolia, now known as Turkey.

- 7500 B.C. - 6500 B.C. - Hunter-Gatherers begin to resent the lazy implications of their name, form the first ever city (Çatalhöyük) in the south of Turkey (at least according to the archaeologist who discovered it). Take that civilization!

- 2800 B.C. - Noah's Ark lands on Mount Ararat in the far east of Turkey. All species survive the journey except for this poor guy

- 1800 B.C. - 1250 B.C. - Hittites attempt to be meaningful and take over Turkey. Unfortunately nobody knows what the hell a "Hittite" is, so their success is inevitably doomed.

- 1250 B.C. - Trojan War -- Brad Pitt + Wooden Horse = Unstoppable Combo. (And yes, Troy is in Turkey)

- 800 B.C. - 547 B.C. - Greeks do their thing, and build temples to everyone and anyone. A thing called "money" also comes to be. This proves to have a slight impact on the future (mainly the increase in college football ticket prices every damn year).

- 547 B.C. - 334 B.C. - Persians, obviously pissed about having their asses handed to them in the movie "300" take over from the Greeks.

- 334 B.C. - 200ish B.C. - Alexander the Great lives up to his new nickname, takes over some stuff as well (obviously a common theme of the times)

- 0 A.D. - Some dude is born a little ways away, people like him a lot.

- 33 A.D. - Same dude dies, people super sad.

- 33 A.D. + 3 Days - Holy hell that dude is back again. People super stoked.

- 200ish B.C. - 500ish A.D. - Romans arrive, immediately declare a dislike for "that dude and his friends." Also say "hey, we can build the sh*t out of stuff, we're going hangout for a while." Declare Constantinople (aka "not Istanbul") their new capital.

- 500ish A.D. - 1000ish A.D. - The Byzantine Empire shows up, declaring "hey everybody, we are a thing." They are immediately thrown into the "nobody cares" historical bucket alongside the Hittites.

- 1000ish A.D. - Present Day - Seljuks, Ottomans, Islam and most of present-day Turkey start showing up. Lots of stuff happens, mainly, Mark and Julie arriving in June of 2013.

NOTE: All preceding dates/events subject to inaccuracy & varying levels of oversimplification

And so you have it. The history of Turkey and its surrounds. I hope this blog has made everybody just a bit more knowledgeable in regard to the incredible events that have transpired over the years throughout this amazing part of the world.

Onto the pics:

According to Google, this is "the dude"

Cappadocia: Making Cave Life Cool Since The B.C.'s

Officially pronounced "Kap-a-doke-e-ya," the region of Cappadocia in Central Turkey is a location where caves, hot air balloons, and phallic-shaped rocks intertwine into what is now one of the most popular destinations in all of Turkey. Originally used by Christians fleeing Roman persecution (they definitely get the Jewish sympathy vote on this one), the entire region is literally "built into the rock," with a multitude of dwellings (homes, churches, overly-priced hotels), locating themselves in the musky-filled interiors of air-free, damp-heavy caves. And since life inside a cave loses its luster after approximately 10 minutes (about the time it takes to run out of photo opportunities), the area provides more than enough "outside" activities to enjoy one's time.

Onto the highlights:

- Cave Hotel - Only in the world of tourism can a place so dark, so musky and so unlivable, that humans left its shelter thousands of years ago, cost up to $200/night. Then again, in this new age of "boutique hotels," any unique accommodation, regardless of comfort-level or sleep-deprivation-inducement, will be stayed in so that friends and family can share in that "oh wow, that's pretty crazy" experience. And although our room only cost a mere $60/night, it did include quite the modern touch (the non-functioning satellite TV and A/C units both were great additions), despite an overall lack of air and breathability.

- Hot Air Balloon Ride - Combining Julie's fear of heights, and my fear of large wicker baskets containing French tourists, a hot air balloon ride seemed the perfect way to calm our collective spirits (and capture several hundred photos as well). Departing from our hotel at 4:45AM (sorry Julie, I promise at some point this trip we will sleep/relax), we enjoyed a 90 minute ride over Cappadocia, basking in the views of endless valleys, mountains and about 200 other balloons sharing a quite similar experience. And while our seasoned pilot (supplied with 1 parachute "only for me") missed our landing spot about 3-4 times, he finally did land us safely in the middle of a farm, much to the delight of the owner who's crops we had just destroyed. Not to worry though, another balloon helped ruin more crops just a few minutes later. And who says local people hate tourism?!

- Moped Rental - Armed with a sense of adventure, and of course our trusty tourist map, drawn by who I can only imagine was a Turkish 3rd grader, it is no wonder our originally-envisioned trip along the Cappadocian countryside turned into a stressful ride along the shoulder of the Turkish highway system. After 45 minutes of honks, shouts, and 8 gas stations which provided less-than-desirable directions (apparently Turks really like to say "left" while pointing right), we finally found our way, and enjoyed the rest of the day (despite sunburns and sore asses), seeing various sights around the region.

- Valley Hikes - With Julie sporting a 3rd degree sunburn (who would have known that direct sunlight, 90 degree heat & a lack of suntan lotion could result in sunburn?!), and myself a desire to see everything and anything in as short an amount of time as possible, our originally-planned-full-day-hike of the Cappadocian valleys turned into more of a 1/2 day venture, an extremely scenic one nonetheless. Hiking through Pigeon Valley (I saw no pigeons), Love Valley (I definitely saw love), and Rose Valley (more weeds than roses), I feel that my camera took more photos than our feet took steps. Well, not really. We took a lot of steps.

Overall, Cappadocia is a place that words alone simply cannot describe. My best attempt would be to compare it to an ancient Ypsilanti, with thousands of water towers (For all you non-Michiganers) dotting the landscape, and of course, Turkish food. So really, my words are a horrible depiction, and thus, I leave you with some carefully-chosen images instead.

Onto the pics:

	Göreme - A city that thrives on tourists desire to spend a musky night or two sleeping in a cave (ourselves included of course)
	"Pottery Tree" - Like a regular tree, but more photogenic
	Our Cave Room - Quite cavey if you ask me
	Julie taking a bath while I shower using her drainage water (and yes, this did involve multiple attempts to capture)
	More "modern" facilities if the cave bath/shower combo doesn't do it for ya
	Treating ourselves to a scenic 5AM sunrise ride in a hot air balloon
	As you can tell, the hot air balloon business in Cappadocia is definitely struggling
	Resorting to a "selfy" image as the French couple across from us had quite minimal photo-taking abilities
	Who would've thought that fire + flammable material was a good idea
	I'll be forwarding this bad boy over to the Turkish Department of Tourism
	Treated to a celebratory glass of champagne after our landing
	Unhappy farmer who's property we landed on... not to worry though, after screaming at us, another balloon landed on his farm only a few minutes later
	Back on land, renting a moped to bike around for the day (thankfully off the highway at this point)
	"Cave Complex" - Complete with living room (aka cave), kitchen (aka cave) and church (aka cave with pictures)
	Jesus is definitely one popular fellow around these parts
	Kaymakli - Largest underground city in Cappadocia (and in case you could not tell, this is the kitchen)
	Celebrating quite the activity-filled day with some local beer
	Day 2 - Valley Hikes
	Fairy Chimney (yes, people actually live in these)
	"Love Valley" - Let's just say, the valley is filled with a lot of "love"
	And who says that cell phones have changed our way of life...
	"Pottery Kebab" - So good you need a hammer
	Apparently Pamela Anderson loves herself some Patos Sticks. Best Commercial Ever

Istanbul: Not Constantinople, Well, Kinda

Despite Turkish Airlines greatest attempts to thwart our arrival into Istanbul, the moment finally did arrive, and only a tad later than expected (Tad = Turkish unit of measurement equal to approximately 22.5 hours). With only a day and a half to partake in some "expedited sight-seeing," our short time in Istanbul provided a great taste of what this historic city has to offer.

Now, while I would normally jump right into the highlights of our adventures in Istanbul I feel it necessary first to provide you, the reader, with a bit of a history lesson. Originally known as Constantinople, Istanbul was once the capital of the great Roman Empire. After a period of numerous years, some pretty intense stuff happened, followed by more intensity as well as stuff, followed by the Ottoman's taking over the city and renaming it Istanbul (Take that Wikipedia!). With one side of the city straddling Europe, and the other Asia, Istanbul is literally the point in the world where east meets west.

With everyone hopefully a bit more knowledge about Istanbul than they originally were from it's previous reason for being (Istanbul, Not Constantinople), I now leave you with the riot-free highlights of our time spent in this beautiful city:

- Bosphorus Cruise - Dividing Istanbul between its European (aka riot-filled) and Asian (aka not riot-filled) sides, a relaxing 90 minute cruise on the Bosphorus was exactly what the doctor ordered to welcome us to our vacation. The doctor, however, did not order the waiter who felt the need to offer us some "Chai Chai Chai Chai Chai Tea" approximately 832 times.

- Hagia Sofia - As the largest church in the world for over 1,000 years (God must have been so proud), the Hagia Sofia s now permanently under construction, and no longer the home to the Christian homeboy JC. With Islam the predominant religion in Turkey, the church is now open solely to tourists and those that enjoy praying while hundreds of others take photos.

- Blue Mosque - As the Islamic response to the Hagis Sophia (see above if you are in "skimming mode"), the Blue Mosque was built, I am only assuming, to make Allah super proud as well. Entering the mosque, visitors are overpowered by both the amazing architecture of the structure, as well as the aroma of feet, wafting throughout, as no shoes are allowed within the premise. While most visitors utilize the plastic bags available at the entrance to carry their shoes, those "slower" folks place them on their feet, providing much enjoyment to all those with an inkling of common sense.

- Topkapi Palace - Home to Ottoman Sultans for a damn long time, the Topkapi Palace was another example of a Turkish tourist site that charges a more-than-it-should-cost entrance fee of $15, and then ropes off the cool area (i.e. place where the Sultans "got down"), requiring another $10 to enter. We decided to forgo the "Sultans Brothel," and instead visited countless "enjoyment areas" where supposedly the Sultan "had enjoyment." And by enjoyment, I mean laying around all day doing nothing. Lazy lazy Sultan.

- Markets - Just around the corner from one-another, the Grand Bazaar and the Spice Market are both exactly what you would expect from a once-local-market-turned-tourist-destination. With only 1.5 seconds allowed for browsing until a "excuse me, you buy here?" interrupts your casual glance, it is key to walk around constantly mumbling "no thank you" while shaking your head repeatedly. And when a purchase is truly in order, bargaining is the key, as in what world do these damn travel trinkets really cost $5? As a note, do not take Julie's approach and offer 1/10th the price, as the vendor will almost always tell you "no, I change my mind, I don't sell to you now."

-Other - Amazing food, some Roman water storage, and a whole lot of walking/people-watching

Onto the pics:

	Bosphorus Cruise - Very happy to be taking our first form of transportation not operated by Turkish Airlines
	Fishing Boats serving up "fast food" Balik-Ekmek sandwiches (translation = amazingness)
	Local Women + Sunset = Moment Captured
	Blue Mosque - Not very blue, but still pretty mosquey
	The ladies are definitely getting shafted in this deal
	That's a whole lot of foot-odor-absorbing carpet
	Julie testing out the waters just in case our Catholic & Jewish roots don't end up mixing so well
	Foot Washing Station - Based on the smell of the mosque, these are definitely not being utilized enough
	One of the many "enjoyment areas" where the lazy Sultans had "enjoyment"
	Hagia Sofia - God must be so disappointed in all the "not-largest-church-in-the-world" that were made after this one
	Artsy shot I thought I'd throw into the mix
	Basilica Cistern - Curing the Roman desire for thirst since the B.C's
	And that would be an upside-down Medusa (thankfully with her eyes closed...)
	Grand Bazaar - Try not to look at anything besides the floor, and you should be fine
	"Would you like to spend your money here?"
	Apparently Turkish children grow facial hair at age 4
	Spice Market - No need to guess what is sold here
	A hint just in case...
	Hilarious ice cream makers - Example video
	In Turkey, it is ALWAYS kebab time
	Blue Mosque at night - Still not very blue, yet still extremely mosquey

Turkish Airlines: Service With a Twist

When traveling great distances, it is only normal to expect an occasional delay here and there. A mudslide taking out the only direct road between two Colombian cities, resulting in a 12 hour "sight-seeing detour" of the entire countryside (Bus Ride to Medellin). A distraught airline passenger, unhappy that the in-flight service received was not up to his expectations, does the only logical thing, and threatens to murder the entire flight crew (Flight to Paris). And of course the latest misadventure, Turkish Airlines guide to "How to Be the Worst Airline Possible, Yes, Even Worse Than Spirit Airlines."

Knowing fully well that these blogs thrive on the utilization of sarcasm to express discontent, Turkish Airlines seemed dead-set on providing as much bloggable material as possible during what became a near-2-day journey from Austin --> Istanbul.

And while I would love to utilize a timeline to describe the occurrence of events, I feel I must mix up my method of describing such mishaps, as I attempt explore all the potential literary options at my disposable. Thus, I leave you with my newest form of summarization: The Jeopardy-inspired highlights of our 24 hour delay.

"Severe weather across the Atlantic" - Initial reason behind our delay, repeated every 1-2 hours from approximately 7PM (Fri) until 1AM (Sat).

"Lightning bolt that struck the original inbound aircraft, ripping apart the fuselage, and rendering the plane now a $100M piece of scrap metal" - The actual reason behind our delay. A small "technicality" if you will.

8:10AM (Sat) - The time at which we were informed of this slightly-relevant detail, only 15 hours after Turkish Airlines were notified themselves (who of course decided sharing such information would not benefit the 300+ people still awaiting to board a flight "delayed by weather").

A Random Passenger - The individual responsible for informing the line of anxious passengers of this small insignificant detail, in addition to what steps could be taken to remedy the situation. Yes, a passenger, She was met with quite the rousing applause while the crew looked upon her with confusion, as they apparently felt silence and inaction were the best way to deal with the situation.

1 - The # of Turkish Airline computers with the ability to re-book tickets after the passenger-inspired announcement was made.

0 - The # of Turkish airline workers with the ability to work such an advanced piece of technology.

8 - The # of Turkish airline workers who hoped that either staring aimlessly at the computer in confusion or tapping incessantly on the keyboard would inspire it to miraculously re-book the entire flight.

90 minutes - The length of time it took to re-book the first passenger in line. I am not sure how this was accomplished, although I can only assume it was done completely by accident. Not to worry though, as we were 3rd in line, we only had to wait 2 more hours after this point.

1 - The # of parents that used their baby as a prop as to gain sympathy and express frustration for the delay. His display was met with many "ooooh's", "oh be careful's" and of course "rabble rabbles"

42 hours - Total length of our trip, door-to-door, from Austin to Istanbul. This includes being re-routed through JFK (even though our flight from Houston landed us in Laguardia -- Yes Turkish Airlines, these are two different airports... .thanks for that added bonus to our journey!).

Onto the pics:

	Waiting for the "weather" to dissapate (aka hole in plane to seal itself)
	Nothing says "sorry for the delay" like dehydrated turkey sandwiches!
	It's somewhat depressing that the nicest place we will stay our entire trip was only enjoyed for a 2 hour nap
	Angry mob utilizing the "Prop Baby" approach to pass their message along to the confused Turkish Airline crew member
	Waiting... this time at least in a new city!